Tuesday, April 29, 2008

One Word: Loins

Word suggestion by: James Meyers
Bridget had never been a meat-eater, and she couldn't believe she was doing this. Ted had called her up seemingly out of nowhere, and he just HAD to see her. Extremely effeminate and lively, Bridget assumed Ted was gay, but never really knew. Deep down though, she had a feeling that she would never be into him so it was never an issue. So when he asked her out to dinner she assumed it would just be another fun night on the town.

Her cell phone had rang at about 8 pm.

"Hello?" she asked, her matted red hair needing a flick out of the way to effectively hear the voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hey, it's Ted. GUESS WHAT, you HAVE to come to this new restaurant with me tonight!!!"

Ted sounded more excited than normal, and normal from him was lively enough. He was positively ecstatic.

"Um, okay. You know I'm a vegetarian, right?" she asked.

"Well, yeah," said Ted, but he sounded undeterred. "But you aren't religious about it or anything right?? You still eat fish and meat sometimes??"

"Sure," said Bridget. Even if she wasn't going to eat anything, she still had to know exactly what was going on with this meal. Ted was scaring her a little.

"OK," said Ted, his breath short with excitement. "You know that little bar Henninger's near 1st and main?"

Bridget paused, "yeah I've had a few drinks there."

"It's right next door. It's called "Happy Food," said Ted. "I'll be there in about a half hour and I'll meet you there. They know me there now so we will have our own private table!"

"OK, weirdo," said Bridget, amused, and a little weirded out. She hadn't had meat in what, 10 months, since her Aunt Beatrice made her eat the yearly meatloaf at Christmas.

Bridget arrived at the restaurant at around 8:15. She was barely able to find a parking spot. The place must have become popular rather quickly, she thought. Trance music echoed from the windows of the establishment and before you know it, Ted was up in her face.

"Come on, I called ahead we have a table!!" said Ted.

The main door to Happy Food was very plain, it was just a wooden door that you'd see anywhere; it reminded Bridget of her front closet door in her apartment, just plain, oak. Nothing impressive. And when the door opened, all she saw were people sititng at tables.

This is where things got odd. No one was talking. Everyone was smiling -- but no one was talking. The sound of a pop radio station was in the background.

"You're table is ready," whispered a hostess, who approached them. She was in a tight pink uniform that was form fitting, and she also had a rather broad grin on her face.

All this unbridled happiness made Bridget a little nervous, but she took her seat in a corner booth that had been prepared for them. Ted eagerly sat next to her.

She took a good look at Ted. His brown mused up hair did not appear to have been washed in days. His' clothes weren't clean. Something was definitely wrong.

"Well, today's special is loins," said the hostess politely. "Same as yesterday."

"Oooh, loins!" said Ted. "Nummy! I know what i'm going to order."

Bridget cringed, that did NOT sound good...meaty and vulgar.

A waitress approached them. "Can I see a menu?" asked Bridget.

"Sure," said the waitress politely.

Opening the menu revealed just one item.

LOINS: $15.99.

That's all the menu said. It wasn't even a special font and there wasn't even an illustration.

"2 loins please," said Ted eagerly, but the waitress was one step ahead of him.

"You're loins are already ready!!"

Two plates filled with meat arrived seemingly out of nowhere and were plopped in front of the couple.

Ted looked incensed. "LOINS!" he said, and began to eagerly consume the food....not even using utensils.

Bridget was a bit scared at this point but ...it was for Ted.

She took a timid bite of the well-cooked, black meat. And instantly her whole body felt rapturous. She immediately knew that she would want nothing but LOINS to eat for the rest of her life.

In the back of the restaurant, the manager smirked at a waiter. "I think we have another customer for life," he said.

The waiter replies, "I know, don't you love it when the FDA doesn't regulate things properly?"

-- The End

1 comment:

Hathery said...

That's why you need to be a more strict vegetarian :) haha.